Trying to Wrap My Head Around Today

I'm writing this while watching the horrific coverage of the Boston Marathon explosions. Part of me wants to throw up, part of me wants to cry and part of me wants to go into a rage against whoever is responsible for this senseless act against members of my beloved running community.

As a runner, this is one of those events that I'll never forget where I was when I first heard the news. For the past three days I have been reading and seeing the tweets, Facebook posts and Instagram photos from my friends and brands I follow on social media, so when I looked up at the TV in the shop I was in and saw the headline that two explosions at the Boston Marathon had taken place, my heart dropped. I immediately started texting my friends and former colleagues that I knew where there to see if they were okay. Thankfully everyone from Fleet Feet Nashville were okay and 30 minutes later I received a text from my friend Kyle, who works for Runner's World and had Facebooked a few hours before the race that he was going on a 15 mile run along the course before the it started, letting me know that he had left the finish line area just FIVE MINUTES before the explosions took place. I get chills just thinking about it.

In 2007 I wrote a paper in college describing what it's like to run the Chicago Marathon. I said it's the one day out of the year in the city where people of all walks of life unite to cheer on the 40,000 people that take to the street to run 26.2 miles. My first marathon was legit magical. After I crossed that finish line I felt like I could do anything. I remember crossing the finish line and crying because I was so happy that all my hard work had paid off. That single event gave me more self-esteem than I could have ever imagined and no one, absolutely no one, could ever take that feeling away from me. Anyone who has ever crossed that marathon finish line knows exactly what I am talking about and to think that so many people were deprived of this amazing feeling makes me sick. Running a marathon is a life changing event and while you're running, before this day, to even fathom that someone could instill such terror during the event is unimaginable. The marathon is supposed to be a safe and happy event. Bad things are allowed to happen any other day, just not on marathon day.

Me and my dear friends Kristin, Casey and Kristen while running the 2007 Chicago Marathon. This picture makes me smile every time I see it

All that being said, I cannot even begin to wrap my head around what has happened today. I feel like my friends and family have been attacked. I would run into a burning building for my running friends. There is an unexplainable bond that happens between people when they spend every Saturday morning together doing their long runs for marathon training. Watching the footage of the first explosion happen and seeing people run immediately towards the destruction to help their fellow runners makes me hate humanity a little less and reminds me why I run. I don't run for the medals, I don't run so I can brag about how many marathons I've completed and I don't run so I can eat whatever I want. I run because I love being a part of the running community.

My thoughts are with everyone in Boston and there is a special place in hell for those who attacked members of my running community today.

My 2012 Fleet Feet Nashville group celebrating our Country Music Marathon finish

I would run through a burning building for every single one of these people 

Crushing Goals

It's been three weeks since I have started my food plan that Jamie from Max Muscle in Cool Springs wrote me and I am THRILLED to announce that I have lost three percent body fat! My starting numbers were 137lbs and 22% body fat and as of today, I am 134lbs and 19% body fat - so I am finally in the "athlete" percentage category. 

You know how I apologized in advance in my last post for being hangry (hungry + angry)? Well there's no need for me to apologize, because I can honestly say that I have not had a single low blood sugar meltdown because I am always satiated. Now I would be lying if I didn't say that I sometimes crave eating a giant double-decker grilled cheese and my weight in french fries for dinner, but Jamie has me eating foods every two to three hours that I already eat like bison, brussel sprouts, avocado, turkey bacon and peanut butter. Sometimes I even have to force myself to eat once my three hours is up and that rarely happens with me, usually I can't wait until I my next meal. I am also a big fan of the chocolate Max Muscle Triple Whey Protein I have to drink three times a day and I look forward to drinking it after my CrossFit workouts. 

Me and my weave a mess after 13.3. I have no desire to knock out 150 wall balls in a row ever again. The day after I felt like I do after I run a marathon, including the going down stairs part. Ouch.

Besides being well on my way to my goal of 16% body fat, last Thursday I crushed my goal of being able to do a pull-up during the 13.5 workout (4 minute AMRAP of 15 65lb thrusters and 15 chest to bar). At first, I was upset that I didn't get any chest to bar reps, but me being pissed off quickly went away when James informed me that I got my chin well above the bar at least 10 times in my attempts to get my chest to the bar. Which btw, I think I could have gotten my chest to the bar if I had big boobs...just sayin'. So now that my pull-up goal has been reached and I still need to "master" the snatch and after yesterday's WOD that involved rope climbs, I think also need to set the goal of being able to climb that stupid thing (que elementary school gym class flashbacks).

On a completely unrelated note, I also finally moved into my condo two weeks ago and it's finally started to feel like my home. It's a total girl place and there's no brown or variation of brown allowed. It's gray, white, black, purple and pink, with splashes of zebra, Missoni and ZGallerie Montecito print. Not that I have anything against the color brown (even though I rarely even wear the color), I was just in brown and tan hell for almost three years, so this is me finally getting to decorate like I want :) I am pretty sure my favorite room is my bedroom and bathroom and it's a tie between my mounted TV with no cords showing (I hate hate hate cords. The day everything is wireless will be a day when I'll be a little less anal) and my Kohler Moxie shower head (that thing rocks) for my favorite thing in my condo. 

Pretty much everything I bought for my place is from Gilt, ZGallerie, Target and Homegoods, including the zebra runner and the "Keep Glam and Rock On" framed poster. Trendy without breaking the bank!

My seven month old Airedale puppy Farley is also a big fan of the place. We are a two minute walk from the dog park and there are lots of dogs in the neighborhood that he can play with. He also loves the purple couch. 

It's Not You, It's Me: Getting Lean

I feel like I'm going to raise a few eyebrows and get a few texts after people read what I'm about to write, so I'm going to preface this all with, my main goal isn't to lose weight, it's to lose body fat, get lean and decrease the amount of dimply-looking stuff on my legs.

I've never been the skinniest girl in the room (except during a brief period in 2006 and 2011, but I won't bore you with the white girl problems that brought those two instances on) and I am not striving to be the skinniest girl in the room, but with how active I am, I have always wondered why instead of trying to keep weight on, I've always had to try to keep weight off  - even when I was training for the Ironman, which btw, I actually lost a lot of weight after the Ironman, which I thought was bizarre...but I did stop eating $20 worth of mac and cheese from Whole Foods on Sundays because I wasn't riding 100+ miles then following it up with a 20 mile run, so maybe that had something to do with it? Regardless of a few past semi-unhealthy habits, I've always eaten pretty decent and always burned a ton of calories per week from training for whatever race. People have even made comments about it to me. Some of those comments have even made me self-conscious, for example an old friend, who I no longer consider a friend for many reasons including for comments like the one I'm about to share, said to me "with all the biking and running you do, I don't get why your legs still look the way they do," she was referring to the cellulite on them. Another person once said to me "I can't picture you having a lot of muscle, you've always been soft since I've known you," and this particular thing was said to me when I was training for my first 70.3 Ironman. I don't care how self-confident you are, when someone else points out a flaw in your body that you're already very well aware of, it hurts. Now granted the two people who said those hurtful things didn't have much influence in my life and weren't even in the position to judge because they only went to the gym in college to get food from The Bean, not actually workout, but still, those comments obviously have stuck with me over the years.

Enough about bitching about the past, because god knows I could go on for days about my flaws in terms of how I look, I am writing this post because after getting my body fat measured and talking with Jamie, one of my CrossFit coaches and the owner of Max Muscle in Cool Springs last week, someone has finally written out a food plan for me that will help me achieve my goal of leaning out. 

Last week I came in a 137lbs and 22% body fat, which isn't terrible because I am 5' 6" but not exactly where I want to be. On one positive note, I was actually surprised with my weight because apparently I have lost eight pounds since November. A few days later getting pinched and weighed, I ran into the owner of Franklin Strength, someone who I used to see on a regular basis until James got his own CrossFit space in January, and he commented on how it looked like I had lost some weight and toned up a little (which really felt good because he's not the type of throw out complements left and right). Also, according to the American Council on Exercise, coming in at 22% body fat means I'm "fit" but I don't want to just be fit, I want to kick some ass. 

I am officially starting the program tomorrow. Funny thing is, all of the stuff on my program, is stuff I already eat like eggs, turkey bacon, brussel sprouts, avocado and peanut butter, the only thing that really stands out to me is the timing of my meals - Jamie has got me eating eight times on the days I do CrossFit and seven times on the days I do cardio like Barry's Bootcamp or rest. So tomorrow morning before I get up to go to CrossFit Cool Springs, I am going to weigh myself so I can have a starting point and gauge my progress. Ideally I'd like to get between 15% and 16% body fat, but we'll see how these first couple weeks go. I'll keep you posted on my progress and if I feel hangry (hungry + angry) all the time...and if that's the case, I apologize in advance for whatever bitchy comment comes out of my mouth. It's not you, it's me. 

13.1 Hot Mess

Lately I've felt like if the phrase "hot mess" was in the dictionary, there would be a picture of me underneath the definition with no make up on in my gym clothes, weave all a mess under my Lululemon bang buster headband and grown out black shellac nails. This working from home thing is awesome, but it's also making me incredibly lazy when it comes to my personal apparence. I was in Seattle for seven days last week and I had to shower, wash my hair, put on make up and real clothes every day I was there because I was working and it was exhausting. Sometimes I wonder why guys don't ask me out more often and then I remember what I look like most days. I should probably work on that. 

Two big things going on in my life right now, well really one thing, I officially move into my condo on March 29 and the other big-ish thing (not really big, but something I'm looking forward to) is the CrossFit Games open workouts that take place over the span of five weeks.

The 13.1 workout. Whoever invented burpees must have been a real asshole

I did the first open workout on Saturday, 13.1 and I feel like they were taunting all the long distance runners turned wannabe CrossFitters with that name because 13.1 miles usually doesn't phase someone who puts in the miles, but before this 13.1 workout, I felt like I was going to puke. I legit felt like I did right before I swam the 200 fly back in the day. You know it's gonna hurt, you know it's gonna be ugly and you know your arms are going to feel like garbage when your done...but with this particular event, you can't dolphin kick 2/3's of the way each lap in an effort to try to save yourself. Former swimmer nerds, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Not to mention I barely knew how to snatch before I attempted the workout, so I stopped myself at 100 because I was so terrified I'd throw the 75lb bar over my head and miss catching it and end up back in the ER with another set of CrossFit induced stitches. Looking back, I'm pissed I didn't try at least one 75lb rep, but I guess there's always next year? My girlfriend hunting friend Sean came with me and killed it at the workout, he got to 150. Majorly impressed by his effort. Ladies, if you're looking for a stud athlete boyfriend, Sean is your man. And then we went to Barry's Bootcamp the next morning and regretted that decision the minute we got on the treadmill. Thankfully Josh the instructor didn't include burpees in the workout or else I feel like Sean and I would have been flopping around on the floor like a couple of dead fish. Here's the funny thing though, I think Sean and I are going to try to keep our little routine of doing the open workout Saturday and Barry's on Sunday up, so we shock our bodies into getting ready for beach season. Or at least that's how we're justifying our insanity.

As for my condo, like I said, I close and start moving in on the 29th. To me, my 1,200 square foot place is a mansion compared to the places I lived in while in Chicago, especially the last place I lived in, a 400 sq ft studio. I've got a 2+ car garage for my Mini Cooper and two bikes (anybody know anyone who needs to store a boat?!) and two bedrooms and two bathrooms. Both bedrooms have walk in closets, the shower in the master is huge and the guest bath is a good size as well, way bigger than any bathroom I had in Chicago. I bought an awesome purple sectional from Z Gallerie for the living room that I'm dying to see how it turned out. Yes, that's right a big purple couch. I am moving into Barbie's dream house.

The purple streak in my weave pretty much matches the color of my couch

I also bought myself a Kohler Moxie shower head for the master bath. I hope the sound proofing between units is good because if not, I at least hope my neighbors enjoy a little JT, Britney or the Skrillex Pandora station in the morning.

The housewarming party will be in May. Expect lots of bubbly and some Jello shots as a throw back to my dear friend Kelsey and I's days at DePaul. Should be a great time.

Kelsey and Jillian dance party circa 2008

Aha Moment(s)

This past week I've had a few "aha moments." One being last week when I finally figured out that a lot of flour + dairy = feel like shit. That moment again made me super thankful that I started eating meat again as a result of going Paleo. Last week I came to the conclusion that I was weak sauce and felt kinda bad about myself, but over the past seven days instead of pouting about it, I've used that emotion to push myself through WODs that hurt like hell and my usual Sunday morning Barry's Bootcamp ass kicking. Tonight it paid off, I was able to do three reps of my max push press and my first fully RX WOD and it felt damn good.

The theme of the past four workouts I've done have been "get that Beyonce booty" - which reminds me, was anyone else a little underwhelmed by her HBO documentary?

As for my superficial/vain aha moment of the week, after posting the picture below of me and my weave sister Hana and several people asking me if I've gone brunette, it's time for me to ditch the ombre  look and go back all blonde...I'm thinking super blonde with a couple very light pink or purple strands thrown in. We'll see, I've got three weeks until my color appointment so I might change my mind by then.

For the record, I love Hana and she is not a poop face. That sign is a result of too much vodka and my inner eight year old. Doesn't my hair look brown though? I also need a tan.

Lastly, I swear I did not plan either of these twin moments, they just happened on their own! Also the Ken doll-looking guy in the photo on the left is single. Sean, you're welcome.

Weak Sauce

Holy cow there's a lot that's gone down in the past week. Besides my usual boring routine, I've been trying to get in the groove of a new job, balance the new travel schedule that comes with the new job, get to the gym,  attempt to race (which was an epic failure, btw. I woke up Saturday morning and felt like garbage, so I bailed on the half I was supposed to run out in Lebanon. Weak sauce, I know), balance a semi-normal 27 year-old single girl social life and I'm six weeks out from closing on my condo that's being built, so I what I'm trying to say is things are a bit ridic right now, but I guess ridic in a good way.

So last night's WOD was the CrossFit total and I left after really down on myself. The CrossFit total is one round of your max back squat, strict press and deadlift. Now I know I have been super open about how weak I am and last night pretty much solidified those thoughts. While yes, all the numbers I threw up there were technically PRs, they were only PRs because it's the first time I've ever tried to max out...which is a very weird concept for me because all my life I've been an endurance athlete and trained to do the same things over and over again while pacing yourself, so this whole lift something heavy as shit once and you're good concept is bizarre to me. Anyways, I have this terrible habit of comparing myself to others and being competitive (no way, me?), so last night was an eye opener and a nice little humbling reminder that even though I can kill it at the endurance WODs, you suck at the strength ones, so stop thinking you're super awesome and start focusing on your weakness (literally) to get better. 

All that being said, amidst of all the changes and ridiculousness going on in my life right now, I am really going to try my hardest to use last night as motivation to stick to my 4-5 days a week of CrossFit and Sunday Barry's routine so hopefully next time around my CrossFit total score won't make me look as weak sauce as the first. I guess those numbers can only go up from here, right?

2013: The Year of the Relay

In years past for me it's been all about the Ironman, or running two marathons in two weeks, or some other ridiculous task that usually has me in the porta potty the morning of the event because I'm so nervous and limping for days after. This year though, it's all about the relay! Last night I received an email from one of my beloved Banditos (that's what my running group in Chicago calls themselves) about putting together a team for Ragnar Chicago. I don't know about you, but I can't think of anything more fun than spending two days in a van with my best running buds running from Madison, WI to Chicago and listening to Casey's stories like about panning for gold in Mexico back in the day. Best part about training for Ragnar is, apparently it's just like training for a half, which means I can still focus on getting stronger and not give that up because I have to run everyday of the week. 

Banditos running Northerly Island

Most of the Banditos on a freezing cold morning last February

Two months after Ragnar, I'll go back up north to relay the swim portion of Ironman Steelhead 70.3 in Benton Harbor, MI with my Nashville partner in crime, Stephanie, who will rock the bike and her friend Page who will bring it home for us on the run. I've done Steelhead twice before, once in 2007 and again in 2010, and that race is notorious for canceling the swim because of large waves, so I will be pissed if I go all the way up to Michigan my leg of the relay gets cancelled. I think I'm going to use the race as an excuse to buy a new wetsuit. I have been rocking the same entry-level Zoot wetsuit since I started doing triathlons and I had the opportunity to try out the blueseventy Helix in December down in Austin at The Running Event and it blew me away how I amazing it felt in the water while wearing it. I'm also excited to try to beat my existing 1.2 mile swim time of 30 minutes. I honestly don't get in the pool that much, but last year I did a PR in the swim at the Nash Vegas Half and I think it was all because of my strength training, so hopefully with six more months of CrossFit, I'll blow that PR out of the water.

Stephanie is probably going to not be happy that I posted this picture of us acting like idiots from the Swiftwick White Out Party/the birthday party I threw for myself last year

Speaking of CrossFit, this morning's WOD at CrossFit Cool Springs about killed me. My power cleans look like garbage 90% of the time, so I definitely need to work on those and combined with being sore from the tag team Barry's Bootcamp workout yesterday, that minute rest in between cycles was much needed.